Chasing Boredom: Who Are You When Alone with Your Thoughts?
When were you last bored? I mean the really, truly, nothing to do, nothing you felt like doing, nothing you could fall into and get engrossed kind of bored. Bored where your thoughts bounce around desperately and struggle to latch onto anything productive or even vaguely interesting.
I got bored all the time as a kid. Growing up, I had no friends on my street, and I was an only child until I was eight. “Go play” meant “go find something to entertain yourself,” and as a child of the seventies, that translated to read a book, watch TV (pre-cable), or make something up I could do alone. But quite often, there was nothing worth watching on television. And even I couldn’t read all day long. Sometimes I got restless, sometimes I finished a great book and wanted to stay in that headspace awhile longer rather than starting something new.
That lingering headspace—the wish to remain in the world of a wonderful story—was probably my first entrée into the world of fanfiction. Oh, I wasn’t writing stories set in the worlds of my favorite authors; not quite yet. But I engaged in hours of daydreaming of the “what if” variety. What if this happened or that happened instead of the way the story actually turned out. What if a character lived or died? What if I were the heroine? How would that feel? What would I have done differently? Or what if I were simply another, entirely original character in the book?
Children spend far more time in the land of their imaginations than most adults. They indulge in make believe and the world of what if. They play “house” or pretend to go to work or imagine themselves their favorite superheroes; they draw pictures, and build towers or castles from blocks; they climb trees and dig up shiny stones and hide from the “bad guys.” It’s a natural side effect of encountering so much that’s new and unexpected as they grow and encounter different people and places and situations.
Media created for children also leans more toward the fantastical. There are fairy tales and talking animals, monsters and magic, travel through time and space, and far more singing than you encounter on an average day in the world. The message in children’s media, whether purposeful or not, is that anything is possible. The sky’s the limit. It’s an invitation to let your imagination run wild. To fill time with creativity.
While there is plenty of magic and fantasy in adult media, it plays a far smaller role in most of our lives. Days fill up with work and responsibilities, political and financial concerns, chores and other facets of the grown up world. Reality takes over, and it can be very… grounding. As in, keep your feet firmly entrenched. No flights of fancy allowed. No time for daydreaming.
But is that true? Or do we just fill that time—the hour we spend commuting, the time in the afterschool pick up line, lunch hour, etc.—with whatever we can grab most easily, the thing that fills the silence before we even register it?
Why are we all so afraid to sit in the silence? Is it fear of what lives inside of our heads? Everywhere I look, I see people with their eyeballs glued to a screen: phone, tablet, computer, game console. We’ve had to make it illegal to text while driving. Why did anyone even think that acceptable?
If we can’t get the visual stimulus, we at least need auditory input. Ear buds in place, music or audiobook or podcast or phone call. Can’t walk down the street without being plugged into something.
We tell ourselves we are multitasking. We are busy and important and need to absorb information when we can. Of course that explains three hours a day of TikTok or Instagram. It’s business related, right? We’re educating ourselves on marketing techniques. Looking for inspiration.
But in truth, I think we’re just filling the space in our heads. Filling the silence. Giving our inner voice something external to latch onto.
I’m not going to tell you that hours of scrolling through social media is a waste of your time. Instead, I am going to ask you why that’s what you choose. Are you really that interested in those cat videos or another quick pasta recipe? Do you need the latest political scandal update twenty times each day? Or is there something else going on? What fuels your habit?
When I worked in New York as a financial writer, I would write on the train during my commute home. Not writing for work—writing for myself. For fun. Fanfic. Bits of original fiction. I’d write longhand in a spiral notebook I kept stashed in my bag, then type it up on my computer after dinner, generally writing more from that point. Before I left for work the next morning, I’d print out the last page of whatever I’d written and tuck it in my notebook, so when I was ready to scribble again, I’d know where I left off.
If I didn’t write, I’d read, or else I’d stare out the train window as we chugged along, emerging from underground at 97thStreet and coasting into the station at 125th Street. Continuing along into the Bronx and up into Westchester. Gradually crossing the border into Connecticut. I’d stare at the apartments and wonder who lived in them. At factories and other industrial buildings, houses and small shops. Or I’d people watch within the confines of my train car. Check out clothing and hair styles. Note what things people did with their commuting time. Try to guess occupations, and what stop might be theirs. All the details tucked away. I wasn’t just day dreaming; I was collecting.
The catch is, on those train rides? Nearly an hour home from Manhattan? I had nothing else to do. I read or I wrote or I stared into space. Those were the options. I had a cellphone, but it certainly was not smart. Whatever I used to occupy my time, I needed to carry it with me, in my purse or my tote, alongside my dress shoes, makeup, lunch bag, and often an umbrella. A novel and a notebook were my limit.
It's a fairly common bit of advice when looking to get writing done. Put your butt in the chair and give yourself strict instructions: you write or you do nothing. Eventually, the writing will win out, because doing nothing gets boring. And boredom leads to some quality day dreaming. Ideas churn when your brain has nothing better to do, especially if you know actual writing is the alternative. You’re primed to think in a writerly direction.
When was the last time you sat on public transportation without glancing at your phone?
It’s reflex at this point. We reach for our phones to fill the void. Any void. Silence. A break between chores. A moment between calls. A lull in a conversation. We’re downright rude about it. I can’t say the last time I went for dinner with friends without a cellphone resting next to every place setting. The silent collective agreement that this is now how we behave doesn’t make it less ridiculous.
No matter how busy you are, no matter the long to-do list or the stack of work or the people counting on you, chances are you have downtime that you fill with something mindless. Something you do by habit instead of through conscious design. Again, not saying you shouldn’t scroll. Or that you shouldn’t take downtime. But make it deliberate. Decide to watch a specific show instead of scrolling through the Netflix queue for 20 minutes watching the first 30 seconds of everything suggested. Set a time allowance to check out your friends’ IG posts.
But leave yourself time unscheduled. Or better yet, schedule time to do absolutely nothing. Stare out your window. Go for a tech-free walk. Figure out what pops up in your brain when you aren’t stuffing it full of fast-moving content. Chase some boredom. See what comes of it.
This won’t work miracles. Best-selling book ideas won’t instantly flash through your mind. You might even feel restless and uncomfortable. Useless.
Live with it. Ask yourself why it bothers you. See if you can release the sensation. Take some deep breaths. Just be. Stand still.
Get bored. Let weird and random thoughts wander into your head. You might be amazed what inspiration finally catches up to you.
Today’s newsletter has been brought to you by my ongoing struggle to establish a new routine and figure out what I want in life. I think a lot of it applies to anyone struggling with a creative endeavor, but also, to anyone at odds with the shape of the current world. I hope it gives you food for thought.
Update on the submissions question: Right now I plan to reopen my QueryManager to new queries on Monday, June 16th. It will likely be a short window—a couple of weeks, assuming the usual mass influx of material—but I intend to open again at the end of summer/start of fall and go from there.
I will provide more information closer to the date, particularly regarding what I’m looking for genre-wise. So do keep an eye out if you’re among those patiently waiting for me to start accepting new material.
Thank you, as always, for reading. Wishing you a wonderful week filled with good books, creativity, and maybe a smidge of boredom. Until next time! 🥰
I don't think I get bored anymore. With a full time teaching job and writing at least 2 new books a year, while promoting the others, I don't have time to be bored. I'm either reading, writing, or spending time with my family. I kind of miss bored.
Preach!